Animal Jokes

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A Cat's Christmas List

On the twelfth day of Christmas my human gave to me: Twelve bags of catnip! Eleven tasty cat treats...

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A Puppy's Love

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

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Alligator in a Vest

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

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Ape's Philosophical Reading

One day an ape escaped from the Bronx Zoo. They searched for him everywhere, in every borough. They ...

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Bad Dog

Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!

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Barber Cat

Q. How do you call a barber cat? A.

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Baskin' Robins

Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Me too," said the seco...

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Bear in Billings

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana...

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Bear's Big Pause

A bear is sitting at a bar.

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Bears Eating Clown

Two bears are eating a clown.

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Bee Work Schedule

What time do bees clock off work?

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Bengals Fan Dog

A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Cincinnati Bengals jerse...

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Beware of Dog

Upon entering a little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" po...

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Big Nostrils

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

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Big Paws

A bear walks into a bar.

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Blind Deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

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Brutus and His Meat

Dear Mr. Butcher, starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only m...

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Buffalo Farewell

What did the momma buffalo say to the baby buffalo on his first day of school?

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Bull Pills in Well

A farmer had a bull that wasn't getting the job done that he was supposed to, so the farmer went to ...

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Bull's Slip

"I DID! What do you think the bull was slipping on?"

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Canary's Sad Condition

Doris screamed into the phone, "Doctor, I woke up this morning and my canary was blue! What do I do?...

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Cat Acceleration

A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

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Cat Body Length

A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any countertop that has anything remotely in...

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Cat Criminal

What did the fat cat go to prison for?

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Cat Doing Tricks

Q. What do you call a cat who does tricks? A.

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Cat Foot Traffic Obstruction

A cat must lie on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.

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Cat Mailing Kittens

Q. Why did the mother cat put stamps on her kittens? A.

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Cat Resistance

A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

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Cat Scream

What does a cat say when you step on its tail?

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Cat's Game with Mouse

Q. Which game did the cat want to play with the mouse? A.

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Catching a Polar Bear

How do you catch a polar bear?

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Cats and Meals

Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

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Cats on Leashes

2. Cats look silly on a leash.

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Cats vs. Dogs

What is a Cat? 1. Cats do what they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredic...

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Chicken Coop Doors

Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

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Chicken Motives

I dream of a better world.

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Chicken Sedan

Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

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Chicken-Zebra Hybrid

So, if you cross a chicken with a zebra, would you get a four-legged dinner with its own barcode?

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City Slicker Buys a Horse

A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was q...

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Cliff Jumping Mishap

Two men are standing on top of a cliff. One has a budgie on his shoulder, the other has a parrot. Th...

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Colorblind Dog Poem

Roses are grey, violets are grey.

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Cow Newspaper

Q. What newspaper do cows read?

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Cow and Dog Cross

Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a dog?

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Cow on Holiday

What do you call it when a cow goes on holiday?

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Cow with No Legs

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?

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Cow with No Lips

Q. What goes "ooo, oooo, oooo?"

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Cow's Last Words

A farmer is about to slaughter a cow. He walks up to the cow, but the cow catches on and starts runn...

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Cows and Bells

Why do cows wear bells around their necks?

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Dirty Double-Crosser

Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud, and cross the road again?

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Dog Interview

A dog walked in for a job interview today.