Dark Humor Jokes

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A Lovely Personality

Two policemen knock on the front door.

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Alzheimer's vs. Cancer

After an extensive battery of tests, a guy meets with his doctor to discuss the results. "I'm afraid...

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Amanda Knox

Apple: former CEO Steve Jobs dies.

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An Apple a Day

They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away...

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Apple a Day

It seems like an apple a day doesn't keep the doctor away.

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Aron Ralston Arrest

Why was Aron Ralston arrested by the FBI?

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Assassination Attempt

The time: 1944. Nazi Germany. Two Jews decide they're going to assassinate Hitler. They carefully a...

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Autopsy

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

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Bird Feeding

I just saw an old man in the park feeding the birds.

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Blondes Applaud

Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcro...

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Bouncing Donation

What bounces and makes kids cry?

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Bridge Encounter and Religious Debate

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.

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Brief Man's Wife

A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point—he really never said too much. O...

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Busy at the Crime Scene

The police photographer is still here, and the county medical examiner hasn't released the body to t...

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Cannibal Fights

Every fight is a food fight...

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Career Advice

Are you afraid to die alone?

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Cheat, Repeat, Lie

If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

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Chernobyl Promises

A little girl was talking to her dad.

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Comatose Diet

What do you call someone who feeds on comatose patients and pizza?

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Death's Doorbell

Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).

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Deer Hunting Dilemma

A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunt...

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Dinner Special Price

Dinner Special: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

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Dumb Dumb Boutique

1999 Darwin Awards Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (10 April 1999, New York) Terrence Adams accide...

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Dying Man and the Tie

A man's off road vehicle breaks down in the middle of the Mojave desert. It's the middle of summer a...

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Explaining Death to Children

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very careful...

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Faithful Husband

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

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First Taste of Christianity

A Short History Lesson

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Forgetful Diagnosis

They say I have cancer and Alzheimer's...

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Friends and Potatoes

Friends are like potatoes.

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Friends and Trees

Friends are like trees.

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Giving 100%

You know, as a child, I was always told to give one hundred percent at everything I do.

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Golfing Tragedy

This man and his wife were out playing golf when he hit a big slice and ended up behind a big buildi...

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Grandfather's Peaceful Death

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather..."

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Grandma is on the Roof

Two brothers lived together with their grandmother and her cat. The first brother went on a business...

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Great Friends

Good friends help you move.

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Helen Keller Walks

Helen Keller walks into a bar...

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Hockey Incident

Did you hear about the leper hockey game?

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Home Security Pitch

I'm making a fortune promoting home security systems.

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House of Explosives

To whom it may concern: some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identificati...

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Human Hangman

If I ever saw an amputee being hanged...

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Inner Sociopath

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.

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Intoxicated Paramedic

The Winehouse paramedic was intoxicated on duty...

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Jesus and Candy

Why doesn't Jesus eat M&Ms?

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Jobs and iPhone

Steve Jobs...

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Knitting and Thalidomide

Knitting - Not all mothers like this.

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Last Man on Earth

She had once said, "Not if you were the last man on Earth."

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Last Request

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which ...

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Last Requests

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which ...

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Laughter and Tuberculosis

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberc...

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Lawyer's Hell

So, there's this lawyer who dies and goes to Hell. (I know I know, no big surprise!) The lawyer sits...