Medical Jokes

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A New Man

A doctor is talking to a patient before surgery.

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ADOS Diagnosis

My friend has ADOS.

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Alzheimer's Lightbulb

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

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Anesthesiologist Light Bulb

How many anesthesiologists does it take to change a light bulb?

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At Least It's Not Alzheimer's

I might have Alzheimer's...

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Bad and Really Bad News

A guy goes to his doctor...

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Bedridden?

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" Af...

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Broken Arm Places

A man goes to the doctor's office and says, "I've broken my arm in several places."

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Broken Finger

A blonde woman goes to the doctor.

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Can't Feel My Legs

A man woke up in a hospital. After a serious accident, he shouted out, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel...

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Chasing the Dogs

An exhausted-looking man dragged himself into the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over...

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Childbirth Pain Demonstration

A woman goes to her doctor, who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doct...

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Coma Patient's Age

After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma. Try as they might, the doctors just cou...

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Coolest Hospital Staff

Who's the coolest guy at the hospital?

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Coolest Hospital Worker

Who is the coolest person in the hospital?

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Diarrhea Statistics

Here is a diarrhea joke.

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Doctor Ran Out of Anesthetic

A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head ...

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Doctor's Advice

The old gentleman was aging more rapidly than he wanted. "Your gout is getting worse," said the doc...

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Doctor's Comment on Sharpness

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

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Doctor's Countdown

A guy goes to the doctor to get the results of his recent physical.

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Doctor's Examination

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old crone, entered the doctor's office. "We have com...

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Doctor's Question about Children

This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

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Doctor's Question about Organ Donation

Nurse, did this patient sign an organ donation card?

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Dyslexic Stroke

I feel wrong.

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Ears and Misunderstandings

A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of a v...

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Eating Right

A guy goes to the doctor with a carrot up his nose, a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a ba...

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Eye Examination

"Medical Exam" A pretty young woman visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone ...

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Forgetful Patient's Treatment

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the fi...

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Furniture Disease

I just got back from the doctor with really bad news. Turns out I have 'Furniture Disease'.

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Got Milk?

"Got Milk?" The young lady entered the doctor's office, carrying an infant. "Doctor," she explaine...

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Hereditary Conditions

Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?

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Hereditary Traits

Why is diarrhea hereditary?

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Hospital Coffee

Jim was in a terrible wreck. He was taken to the hospital where he remained comatose for two weeks a...

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Hospital Jokes

Q. Who's the coolest guy at a hospital?

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How an Apple Keeps the Doctor Away

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...

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Invisible Patient

Doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible!

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Kentucky Jelly

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very...

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Lab Report and Cat Scan

A guy takes his sick parrot to the vet...

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Medical Mystery

A man goes to the doctor for a checkup.

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Memory Loss

An agitated patient was stomping around the psychiatrist's office, running his hands through his hai...

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Moody Period

Why do girls get so moody when they're on their periods?

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Nursing Home Math Logic

A doctor at a nursing home is checking the mental state of three patients.

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Painter's Eye and Doctor's Relief

There was a world-famous painter who, in the prime of her career, started losing her eyesight. Fearf...

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Patient's Age Secret

Nurse: How old are you? Patient: None of your business. Nurse: But the doctor must know your age f...

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Schizophrenic Recovery

I used to be schizophrenic...

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Siamese Twins Driving

Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

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Silent Emissions

A man goes to the doctor to complain of a rather severe flatulence problem. "Doc," he says, "I've b...

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Silent Gas Problem

An old woman went to her doctor for a checkup. She complained about having terrible gas. She told th...

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Suture Self

A guy wakes up in the middle of an operation.

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Swallowed a Pen

Doctor, I swallowed a pen!