Relationships Jokes

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Atheist Marriage

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour...

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Bob's Wife Compliment

Bob was in his usual place in the morning, sitting at the table reading the paper after breakfast. H...

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Bread and Exes

I thought they'd named a loaf of bread after one of my exes.

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Charm School

Tillie and Minnie, two old girlfriends, met for lunch. "I married a wealthy clothing manufacturer," ...

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Chat Room Surprise

Bunny and Bob, two frequent users of a chat room, discovered that they had a lot in common. Eventual...

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Cooking and Time

"Hey! This looks like a great meal! I knew my partner had a beautiful wife," said Ray, "but I didn't...

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Criticizing Cooking

Judi was telling Amanpreet, "You know, my ex never came right out and criticized my cooking. He'd ju...

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David's Family Coffee

As Barb was getting to know David and his family, she was very impressed by how much his parents lov...

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Dead Husband's Perk

Q. How can you tell if your husband is dead? A. The sex is the same, but you get the remote.

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Defensive Driving Tip

This guy found the neatest way to make his wife a more careful and defensive driver. He pointed out ...

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Dictionary Definition of Warm

John was talking to his fiancee, Rebecca, and he said, "Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?"...

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Expensive Engagement Ring

A man walks into a jewelry store to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring. Looking behind the glass ...

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Faith Healer

Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on their various disorders. "I w...

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Father-in-Law's Lottery Blessing

My dearest Ranjit Singh BSc (Hons), MSc, I have been unable to sleep since I broke off your love ma...

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First Date's Self-Centered Conversation

It was their first date, and she'd shown the patience of a saint as he babbled on and on about his h...

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Front Lawn Promise

I met my girlfriend's dad last weekend. He warned me, "Anything you do to my daughter, I'll do to yo...

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Golf Cheating Friends

Sid and Barney head out for their usual 9 holes. Sid offers Barney, "Let's say we make the time wort...

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Golf or Wife?

Golfer: "My wife says if I don't stop playing golf she's going to leave me!" Caddy: "I'm sure you wi...

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Golfing Mishap

"Where am I? How did I get here? Why does my head hurt?" "You're in a hospital, sir. I'm with t...

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He Always Calls Me That

I noticed that he called her 'donkey' all night. I asked why, and she said...

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Honeymoon Bed

While inspecting their honeymoon hotel room, the bride discovered a little box attached to the bed. ...

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Honeymoon's Terrible Words

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately ca...

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Husband 1.0 Software Issues

Dear Tech Support: Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new ...

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Husband's Age Assessment of Wife

His wife had just bought a new line of expensive cosmetics absolutely guaranteed to make her looks y...

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Husband's Rebound

A wife who puts her husband in the doghouse will soon find him in the cat house.

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Husband's Response to 'Strength' Compliment

After a dreadful day at work, I came home tired and demoralized. My husband made me something to dri...

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Lazy Husband's Shame

"I'm ashamed of the way we live," a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job. ...

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Library Book

My girlfriend is NOT a library book.

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Lodge Meeting Postponed

The wife heard her husband come back into the house not too long after he had left. She said, "Hon,...

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Lol'd into Security

My girlfriend just sent me a funny picture...

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Lottery Winner

A boyfriend rushes home and yells, "Pack your bags, honey! I've won the lottery!"

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Love, Divorce, and Money

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

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Marriage Length

A man and woman are having marriage problems and decide to end their union after a short time togeth...

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Married, but Divorcing

- I am married, but we're getting a divorce.

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Mixed Emotions

What is the definition of mixed emotions?

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Mourning

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car...

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Nightly Peace

A man who fights with his wife all day gets no peace at night.

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Old Man's Proposal

Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years passed away. He was ...

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Pilot Engaged to Two Women

An airplane pilot got engaged to two very pretty women at the same time. One was named Edith; the ot...

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Reunion Ring

The man decides to go to his high school's 50-year reunion. Having not seen anyone in twenty-five ye...

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Same Skirts

A middle-aged woman was standing in front of her mirror admiring her clothing. "Look, dear," she sai...

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Sleeping Right

Why don't women sleep on the left side of the bed?

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Social Security Sex Life

Jill: So, Lin, how's your sex life these days? Lin: Oh, you know. It's the usual, Social Security k...

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The Attractive Wife

Morris was in his usual place in the morning, sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfas...

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The Blind Date and the Rolls Royce

"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate. "Terrible!" the roommate answered....

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The Diary

Here is an entry from a wife's diary:

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The Elevator Operator

The newlyweds entered the elevator of their Miami Beach hotel. The operator, a magnificent blonde, l...

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The First to Believe Her

The attractive young woman was about to go to bed with her blind date when she burst into tears. "I...

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The Gift of a Birthday Party

Max sat at the bar totally dejected. The bartender served him his second drink and said, "What's wro...

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The Husband's Coma

The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by...