Marriage Jokes

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A Difficult Choice

A man's wife and his lawyer are drowning, and he must make a choice.

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Aisle Altar Hymn

During the weeks before Brenda's wedding, she was terribly anxious about making mistakes at the cere...

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Alphabet Description

After 30 years of marriage, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

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Anniversary Suggestion

Thorn was a crotchety old fellow who always took breakfast with his wife. He would read the morning ...

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Changing Positions

A man makes a suggestion to his wife: "Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions?"

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Credit Card Thief

A man said his credit card was stolen, but he decided not to report it because the thief was spendin...

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Cyclone and a Date Night

A Kansas cyclone hit a farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It lifted the roof off, picked up th...

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Delivery Room Attendance

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

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Dog and Slippers

Why? A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home...

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Dust on TV

The wife came home last night.

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Eggs and Money

A newly ordained preacher and his young wife were talking about being more considerate of each other...

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Expect the Worst

My wife has been missing for two days now, and the police told me to expect the worst.

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Father of Four

A husband was so proud that his wife had given birth to six children that he began calling her "Moth...

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Gay Parenting Perk

I wasn't too keen on the idea of gay parenting until...

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Genie's Deal

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-...

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Good Trade

Sally was driving home from a business trip in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman...

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Grocery Store Wedding

At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand...

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Hearing Test

A guy goes to the doctor, worried about his wife's hearing.

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Her or Reddit

My wife told me I had to choose.

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Just Be Yourself

I recently got a position as a manager at a local supermarket, and I am supposed to give a speech on...

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Killing the Pig

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfu...

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Lawnmower and Toothbrush

Here is what happened when I wouldn't get our lawnmower fixed.

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Lottery Packing

A husband comes home and shouts, "Honey, pack your bags! I just won the lottery!"

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Lottery Win Surprise

A guy comes home and says to his wife, "I just won a fortune in the lottery! Pack your bags!"

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Lottery Winner

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the doo...

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Love vs Marriage

What is love? The energy of life. What is marriage?

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Marital Problems

Amanpreet was having marital problems. So he went to his shrink. The shrink says "when you get home...

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Marriage Definition

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

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Master of the House

A man walks into a bookstore and asks the clerk, "Do you have a book called 'Husband: The Master of ...

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Missing Friend

My wife ran away with my best friend.

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Mother vs. Wife

What is the difference between a mother and a wife?

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North Dakota Winter

I have a weather report for you.

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Phone a Friend

A man and his wife went to bed one night, and the man was getting very frisky and asked his wife if ...

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Rainy Diary

A man writes a diary entry during a long rainy spell.

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Satan in Church

A few minutes before the church services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and tal...

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Selling Collectibles

Showing his friend around his home, Myrddin started to point out all of the collectibles he and his ...

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Slimming Christmas Gift

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas.

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The Assertive Husband

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wif...

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The Bin Man

I left my wife for a bin man...

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The Box Under the Bed

When Bill and Hillary first got married, Bill said, "I am putting a box under our bed. You must prom...

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The Coast is Clear

A husband and his wife were sound asleep when suddenly the phone rang. The husband picked up the ph...

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The Compliment

A woman looking in the mirror broke down in tears. She told her husband she looked fat, old, and ugl...

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The Cost of Divorce

Why is a divorce so expensive?

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The Eggs and the Money