Religion Jokes

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'No Excuse' Sunday

To make it possible for everyone to attend church on Sunday, we are proposing to have a special 'No ...

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A History Lesson

God made, Adam bit, Noah arked, Abraham split, Jacob fooled, Joseph ruled, Bush talked, Moses balked...

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Agnostic Pagan

I am an agnostic pagan. I doubt the existence of many gods.

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Allowance Sermon Request

Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise i...

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Allowance vs. Health

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money, but I...

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Alphabet Prayers

A grandfather was walking past his young granddaughter's room one night when he saw her kneeling bes...

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Arafat and the Psychic

Yasser Arafat, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a psychic about t...

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Atheists and Lightbulbs

How many atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

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Baptismal Anchor

At one point in my life I had considered joining the Baptist Church. For those of you who don't know...

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Baptist Church

The 2000 member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher w...

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Behind Schedule

I'm convinced God put me here to accomplish a certain number of things; right now, I'm so far behind...

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Billy's Lost Quarter

Mother gave Billy two quarters. One was for his Sunday School offering. The other was for an ice cre...

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Bingo-Loving Mother

Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she ha...

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Boy Finds Adam's Underwear

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Su...

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Brainwashing the Baby

A father is in church with three of his young children, including his five-year-old daughter. As wa...

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Buddhist Hot Dog

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor.

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Cantor and the Insurance Money

A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in a booming, ...

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Christmas Eve Hotel

A very religious couple was touring the Holy Land during the Christmas season and decided it would b...

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Church at Disneyland

Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Lore...

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Conversion for a Hundred

Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic chur...

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Crisis in the Gulf and Religious Conversion

Crisis in the Gulf

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Defining Diagnostic

A diagnostic is someone who doesn't know whether there are two gods.

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Defining Puritanism

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

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Die, Heretic Scum!

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off...

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Divine Golf

Jesus and St. Peter go out to play golf.

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Dog Baptism and Donation

A woman took her dog to a Methodist church to be baptized. The minister replied, "I'm sorry, but we...

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Dying Man and the Devil

The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest ...

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Entertaining God

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

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Escaping the Past

Did you hear about the guy who turned to Scientologists to escape his past?

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Father Murphy's Heaven Trip

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to ...

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Feeding the Flock

A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will take the wor...

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Forgiveness from Sin

Just about all my life I belonged to the Reformed Lutheran Church. When I married my wife, I convert...

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Freedom of/from Religion

Freedom *OF* religion includes freedom *FROM* religion.

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God Creates Canada

On the sixth day, God turned to the angel Gabriel and said, "Today I am going to create a land calle...

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God and Website Hosting

A RABBI, A FRENCHMAN AND GOD SITTING IN A CANOE: The rabbi says to the Frenchman, "God, I really nee...

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God is like Bayer Aspirin

- God is like BAYER ASPIRIN - - He works miracles.

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God is like Coke

- God is like COKE - - He's the real thing.

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God is like Ford

- God is like a FORD - - He's got a better idea.

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God is like Hallmark

- God is like HALLMARK CARDS - - He cares enough to send His very best.

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God is like Tide

- God is like TIDE - - He gets the stains out that others leave behind.

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God's Answers

I asked God to take away my pain. God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give i...

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God's Color

What color is God?

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God's Humor

God does have a sense of humor. Deal with it.

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God's Love

"God could have said magic words to make the nails fall off the cross, but He didn't. That's love."

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Heaven's Exclusion

Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there. Stephen....

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Heaven's IRS

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

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Heaven's Tuna

Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearl...

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Heavenly Divorce Delay

This couple was killed the night before their wedding. They went to heaven and they ask St. Peter if...

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Holy Water Recipe

How do you make holy water?

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Ignoring the Jehovah's Witness

I upset a Jehovah's Witness at work today...